Stupid Me.

Do you ever get the feeling that nothing is ever going to go right in your life again? I am sure everyone does. This whole past year has been a literal hell for me (with a few high points). I had to leave my husband because he lacked the Love or motivation or something and just wouldn't work. Stupid me. I thought he would come running back as fast as he could scrambling to get our lives back together. Stupid me. He is taking his time. He lives somewhere else and I live with my mother. Stupid me. He gets to play Dad whenever he wants and gets to go home to enjoy not having to worry about four other people while I am a full time mom and am working full time to boot just to afford to live at my moms house. Stupid me. I had to buy diapers with quarters the other day. Stupid me. I am worth more than that. I know I am. But how do I make the Love of my life Love me back? Stupid me. There were times when we were together that I wasn't sure where we were going to be the next day, and I never want to go through that again. Why does Love make us so stupid? Why do I still care about him? Why do I still want to be with him? Why can't I just let it go and start over? Because of Love? Stupid Stupid Love? Well then I HATE Love. It makes me Stupid. Stupid me. And Then .................................................................................... I Love, Love. I Love, Loving my family, my friends, my wonderful Loving children. I Love how they Love me. I Love seeing old friends with their new children, and somewhere inside me even though I don't know them a tiny piece of me Loves them. I think I have taken Love and turned it into my enemy. I have always loved to freely, too whole heartedly and it has done nothing but slap me in the face and beat me down and leave me for dead. I wish my heart could stop loving, so no one or nothing could destroy me. I am beginning to sound like a crazy person. But all of you who are reading this that know me, know that I am crazy. So basically this whole blog tonight is to state the fact that I Love and Hate Love and I am crazy. Done, nuff said. Goodnight.